Friday, May 13, 2005 at 10:36 PM

I thought I could spring back to my feet. Especially since I felt better after blogging and reading the Bible. But to my dismay, I can't. It's not as easy as it seems to be. Negative emotions just keep coming back sometimes and haunt me. I think I'm going to lose hold of my senses soon if this goes on. There are so many things to juggle now -- homework, revision, personal life.... etc. I really don't know how to handle my situations at times, as much as I want to.

Despite the fact that things haven't been smooth lately, the Lord strengthened my faith once again last night (or rather, this early morning). For some lame and invalid reason, my brother didn't call back to inform us that he had to stay overnight in camp. We all thought he was on the streets, as he usually does after work, especially since he brought his track shoes with him. By 11pm, my mum was quite worried by his absence. At that time, I thought he just forgot the time as he usually does so I told mum not to worry. After that I went to bed coz' I was too tired from the tests. At 1+am, mum woke me up to tell me my brother's still not back yet. I was shaken up from my dreamland and at a loss. He has never stayed out so late without calling, especially on weekdays. We were worried sick, fearing that something might have happened to him. The worst thing is he doesn't bring his handphone with him most of the time. We checked the phone for his contacts but I don't know his camp friends' names. In the end my parents decided to inquire about any incidents at the neighbourhood police post. I could only pray at home. It's only then that I knew I'm really a paranoid person. I thought of a lot of things, thought of the worst possibilities. I really prayed very hard for my brother's safety, hoping that he was actually in camp but forgot to call back. I was too worried to sleep, but somehow I dozed off afterwards. I had a dream. I dreamt that my parents came back from the police post and mum told me my brother was actually in camp. Then in reality, my parents came back at 3+am and mum told me exactly the same thing. Everything that was in my dream happened in reality. Exactly. I knew that it has to be God's doings. I mean, what's the probability that your dream come true exactly in reality? My Lord has answered my prayers for sure! I was really afraid that He won't answer my prayers but He has shown me that He will not forsake me. Praise the Lord =) At least with Him by my side, I can still walk on in life, trying to overcome obstacles and getting back onto my feet.

rhapsody in blue.