Thursday, May 12, 2005 at 4:39 PM

I'm very tired both physically and mentally.... I'm afraid history would repeat itself. I don't want to find myself floundering in a pool of quick sand. If I struggle, I may sink deeper. If I don't put up any fight, I would lose the battle. The battle within myself. Why are humans such complex creatures? I don't even understand myself fully. I think I'm beginning to lose logic. I can't reason on such philosophical issues anymore. Or maybe I have never been able to all along without my own knowledge. All along I thought I'm quite optimistic but I realised that perhaps it was all but a cover. I can be optimistic but I slip into depression easily... Just hope I can spring back into optimism just as easily. Perhaps things would become much more simpler if humans are devoid of feelings but since God created us in His image with emotions, I guess we should just learn to find our true self and work around with our emotions. It's all part of growing up and I can't escape from that, much as I want to. My only fear is only seeing history repeating itself, seeing myself fall into a bottomless pit again. Who knows how long I would take to climb out this time round? And who knows what kind of injuries I would sustain while trying to emerge into the brightness of the world again.....

rhapsody in blue.