Sunday, July 17, 2005 at 6:42 PM

I'm finally done and over with the library CIP. Actually supposed to do 48 hours, but now I only did 30. No choice, have to mug now. I'm rather fed up with Charged Particles though. Don't know what that topic is about. Can't do the tutorial.. The same goes for Normal Distribution. So many questions left blank. Most of the time I find myself just paying lip service on mugging. Didn't do anything this weekend coz' I was too tired from 2 days of CIP. Ran into Ms Ng at the library. Quite a surprise for the both of us.

It's really tough to follow a revision schedule, especially when there are so many topics to cram into every week. Honestly, I don't really dare to aim for good grades for prelims. Perhaps I won't be as disappointed then. I'm beginning to doubt myself. *sigh* Sometimes I just slip into this kind of depression and despair.... Why has learning become so unenjoyable? I was just telling Elena on Friday that I want to emigrate to somewhere and live in peace. Isn't it nice to live a tranquil and peaceful life without much stress and anxieties? When I went to Lijiang in Yunnan 3 years ago, I already have the thoughts of buying a house and settling there, away from all the city bustle, all the seemingly unnecessary struggles and competitions. I just want somewhere where I can be myself, where I can breathe in fresh air, where I can enjoy the wonders and beauty of nature, where I can live as if I have all the time in the world. Lijiang and Dali really seem to be beautiful places. But snap back into reality. Are all these possible? Maybe when I'm old and retired, yeah.... How else can I lead such a relaxed and luxurious life without worrying about daily expenses and stuff like that? Thinking it over, I doubt I can put down everything in my homeland and leave. I'm too sentimental and poor at adapting. Perhaps I might find problems in adapting elsewhere... Ironic and indecisive. No wonder people say women are the most complex beings on Earth.

"Women are made to be loved, not understood." - Oscar Wilde

rhapsody in blue.