Wednesday, March 01, 2006 at 10:18 PM

The moment is over.

FINALLY.

I was trembling. Having jelly hands and legs. I really saw my hands shaking.. Hope the teachers in the lift didn't notice it when I took the lift up to LEP room right after I reached school.

I didn't dare to look at Mrs Leong in the eyes. And somewhere deep within me, I know I'm afraid of history. The very happenings that occurred 2 years ago, although buried in my memory banks, still remains. I still remember my tears brimming over even before Mr Ng passed me my results slip. And he had the disappointed and upset look on his face. After he asked me about my Chinese Literature, I knew that was it. I failed. And all along, I doubt my choice in taking LEP. Not coz' I don't like the subject or my own culture. But coz' I was afraid that history would repeat itself. This subject hogs most of my time, yet the results I get may not be in proportion to the time spent. Which was why I spent the weekend mulling and crying over it. To drop drastically from A1 to D7, it was a traumatic experience for me. Ok, maybe not traumatic, but it certainly wasn't pleasant at all. So this time round, I was afraid. It was strange though, that I wasn't as emotionally stirred up as 2 years ago. I was afraid, nervous, anxious etc. But I was somehow calm. Contradicting, I know. But I felt this way. And I know, it was due to no other reasons except for the reason that my Lord was with me. Coz' I was praying before the moment that He will keep me calm and cool regardless of the outcome, and most importantly, to let me feel His presence. True enough, He was with me, and He made it known to me this way. Praise the Lord =)

Praise the Lord again for my results. It was nothing wonderful, honestly. But I believe this is what I deserve for the amount of work I put in. I admit I didn't put in my best. In fact I was quite depressed and unfocused from October onwards. That's why I didn't have a good feeling about the whole exam. So I'm grateful and relieved that I actually managed to pass all my subjects with a more or less decent grade. Though BCD can get me nowhere good probably, but I'm sure this results is given to me for a reason. What I have to do now, is to seek His guidance and find out what His plans are for me. My job is to be a follower, a child, and a believer =)

rhapsody in blue.