Thursday, August 31, 2006 at 1:57 AM

Some things have been running through my mind these couple of days. Money issues... I'm really beginning to see my brother in a different light. He's maturing. Now he helps out with the dishes everyday and he is more careful with his finances. I was really surprised that he actually wanted to look for a part time admin job. In fact, he calculated how long his savings will last given his monthly expenditures and he has to get a job since no one is working in the family now. I think I need to wake up. I need to be more matured, more sensible. Most importantly, more THRIFTY. And yes, more hardworking and know how to manage my time well so that I can put in more time into my admin job as well. Given the amount of time I put in for my 1st month in this job, the pocket money I earn is definitely negligible compared to my expenses. Of coz' my savings will not deplete so fast, but I am one who likes to save up for rainy days so I would like to earn whatever I can. I have really contemplated coming back to the cafe to work. But no way is my mum relenting on this. And honestly speaking, at this phase, I have no confidence in myself too. I know I'm not one who manages time well enough to balance both work and studies, and at this stage, studies is more important. So many people have put in time and money to allow me to pursue a higher education, I cannot afford to let myself and them down.

On the other hand, seeing the cafe in this state hurts me inside. I don't know... Things don't seem to be quite the same. I think some people can feel it too... Maybe new management, new systems, new ideas... I don't know. I don't like changes. Especially when I cannot see how it is beneficial to the cafe. Ok, it is beneficial in some sense, but there are more than 1 aspect that we have to look at. Maybe we're still young, maybe we can't accept the fact that business is all about profits. Or is it not? I certainly hope it is not. Coz' I know there is a bunch of us who don't work for the sake of money, though it is a form of reward for our hard work. But how much can money satisfy our souls? Ultimately, for us who really love the job and cafe, we are not working for the sake of money. What we really need, is recognition of our effort and interests for the cafe, as well as real understanding from the others.. I just feel that perhaps now everything has seemingly taken on a financial perspective and some other things have been neglected. Other than revenues, staff well-being and customer service standards should be equally important, isn't it? Especially in the long run. If not I think we may well be trapped in the vicious cycle of having staff quitting and hiring new staff. No matter how good you are, no matter how much you love the job and cafe, there is a limit to how much you can take. I left before I reached my limit, so I cannot say I know how it's like to be at the limit. But I know, when I reach the limit, some things will be lost. I might start feeling numb towards many things. I might start seeing everything that I do as meaningless. I might start to feel that there is no point and no drive for me to put in so much coz' I receive so little in return. It is very tiring to be giving your all all the time. We need something in return. And that something is not salary. I wonder if it is really that hard... Maybe it is, I don't know.

We need help. Some of the things are really beyond supervisors' abilities. Like the duty roster. We cannot force people to work on Saturdays and Sundays. Nobody wants to work and I wonder why. Perhaps it has been too tiring to work on these 2 days coz' it is usually very busy and shorthanded. The staff who have worked under shortage of manpower will not want to experience it again. So maybe that's why nobody wants to put their shifts on those 2 days.. Afterall, who doesn't want or need a break? But supervisors can't. Even if there is no staff, we still have to be there. If we have to run a one-man show, so be it. Is there really nobody that can help us? We cannot force people to work, coz' we do not have the rights to do so. Besides, this is but a part time job to most people. Not many will really dig out their hearts and give to the cafe. And for those who do, who is going to give their hearts to them?

I have worked with just 2 or 3 other staff on busy Saturday nights before. It was hell. Now business is better than ever on Saturday nights, I think it would be like the 18th level of hell. That period was indeed tough but I didn't mind. Coz' I was working with a wonderful team of people. It definitely brought us closer when we braved through difficult times together. And during that time, we didn't really face the stress of revenues. I know that business is about profits, but it is not all to a business. In the past, we can arrange our reservations such that we can still tahan under shortage of manpower. Now....? Personally I do not have the habit of compromising on service level just to earn more money, coz' I want customers to keep coming back. I want them to step out of the cafe with a joyful experience here and be a live testimony to our cafe. If our service level is low due to lack of manpower, how do we expect customers to come back with their friends in future? Besides, it is already very exhausting to work with lack of staff. It is not very fair to the weekend staff.

I really don't know what to say, or what to do. Afterall, what can I do? And I don't know how I should be feeling. I'm always sandwiched between the identities of an employee and a cousin. How to bring up certain issues, how to break the walls between employees and employers to seek even more understanding, how to keep both sides happy and contented... Most of the time I realise I can only listen. I don't even know what to say.. I don't even know what is the right thing to say. Actually would things have been easier if I'm not the cousin? But I know, if I'm not the cousin, I would not be so committed to the job, or might not even have worked here in the first place. Which will be a great regret of my life coz' I wouldn't have met all the wonderful people here. I really don't know what I can do. Is there any ways to improve things...? Right now I can only hope that they will really understand the tough working conditions the staff face, and do something about it. I don't know what, I don't know how, but I really hope things will change for the better.

And hands up for those who agrees that money is the root of all problems.

rhapsody in blue.