the journey home
Thursday, November 01, 2007 at 6:41 PM

Made a wasted trip down to Clementi to look for SPSS =( Should have just gone CO-OP and bought. But well, at least I ended up with another chance to think on the journey home.


Is that optimism? Hahaha... To have made a wasted trip at this critical period when every minute counts (towards mugging), and yet still can still feel good about it. Sometimes I can't help but think that I'm ironically pessimistic AND optimistic at the same time. Schizophrenic....?


Didn't make myself come up with a topic of thought, but things just came naturally. Somehow thought of my life, how lucky and blessed I've been since young, and how some seemingly wrong outcomes in the end made my life so right. Mostly revolving around school life though.


Pri school was pretty much smooth-sailing, except that I was stressed up over PSLE for a period of time. Results came out and I was kinda happy, I guess. Coz' at 12 years old, I didn't know about having expectations. And since I got into my dream school, that was all that matters.


Sec school. RV. A place that I probably have some kind of love-hate relationship with. The hate for the forever-so-hard-to-solve questions for Maths/Phy/Chem. The love, well, I don't know how exactly to describe. There was the terror too, for every Physics lesson. But everything blended together and I never felt I went into a wrong school. Most teachers were great, and I never forget about the help they rendered me not just in terms of academic (that's their job anyway, though there are teachers out there who don't bother), but more of encouragement and financial aid. I can never erase the memory that those few lines from Mrs Lim WF made me cry. Though I vaguely remember what she said now. The feeling is still there. And then the financial aid. The teachers in charge were all patient and helpful whenever I had to approach them for application.


Then O-Levels came. The horrible O's. Prelims results got me into my dream JC - HCJC. Then the real O's. Made me fall right into the pits and left me in the doldrums. Kinda unwilling to accept the fact that I had to switch to NYJC. But thinking back, it was a real blessing in disguise, and I'm glad that I decided not to appeal for checking for my Chinese Literature paper.


Thought life in NY was weird initially. Well, it was weird in HC too, I think. But slowly got used to NY (sooner than I thought and sooner than in HC). Got myself entwined in a weird but real funny 'family story'. Life in JC was quite similar to RV, but more slack coz' they promote more independent learning. Still had to go through all the financial applications but I'm thankful for the teachers who truly showed their understanding for me.


A's came. And I was so darn worried about my lousy results. Worried that I cannot get into a local uni. Coz' my family can never afford overseas study, and I'd rather do without it if that's the case. Local uni fees was already a problem that I thought I cannot work out, since my family hasn't been well-to-do at all, and uni fees are really exhorbitant compared to my school fees before that. Thought of bank loans, which seemed the only way to get money, provided I get into a local uni, coz' bank loans are not applicable for other unis. Ended up I managed to scrape through to NUS and I could not express how relieved I was then. On top of that, aunty insisted on paying for my uni fees.


I don't think I can come this far by myself. I don't think I can continue on without the blessings from above. My parents aren't working, my brother's still studying too. But we don't have to worry about school fees coz' of aunty. I've been living off my own savings since sec school, I never thought my savings could last till now, especially since expenses are escalating through the years. But I wasn't worried, coz' somehow I know at the back of my heart that everything is taken care of. God provides. That's why I don't have to worry.


Thinking back, things were likely to have turned out differently. I could have been in financial difficulties. I could have not made it to NUS. I could have not been able to concentrate on my studies due to having to work part time to support myself at least.


But all turned out well and I really feel very blessed.

rhapsody in blue.